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When you open-up conversations about gender equality, respectful relationships and violence against women, there’s a good chance that someone may share that they have experienced or witnessed violence.
The most important things you can do when responding to disclosure are:
- listen without interruption or judgement
- believe and validate their experience
- provide information about specialist support.
These are some ideas of what you could say – but it’s important to be genuine, and to use your own words.
- What happened is not okay, and it was not your fault.
- I’m glad you told me.
- No one should have to experience what you’ve been through.
- Do you feel safe at the moment?
- I’m not a specialist in helping people with experiences like yours – but I can give you the contact details of a support service you can talk to if you want.
- A family violence specialist can help you work out your next steps, make a safety plan, and connect you with other services.
Safe and Equal’s Responding to Disclosures virtual training is a valuable resource.
When responding to disclosures, try to:
- give the victim survivor time to share their experience
- affirm the victim survivor is brave in being able to come forward
- emphasise that they are not to blame for their experience
- provide information about specialist support services (page XX) in a way that is safe and supportive. Ask them if they would like any help identifying particular services
- keep the conversation confidential. The only exception is if you believe the person’s safety is at immediate risk (call 000), you become aware that a child’s safety is at risk, or you have an obligation as a mandatory reporter.
After being trusted with a disclosure, try not to:
- find out the details
- fix the situation for them
- ask questions like ‘why do you put up with it?’ or ‘how can you still stay with them?’
- give advice or tell them what to do – it will reduce their confidence to make their own decisions
- judge or criticise their choice – even if you don’t agree with it
- criticise the perpetrator – it may make the victim survivor want to defend the perpetrator. Focus on criticising the abusive behaviour and let them know that no one should abuse them
- provide counselling – if you are not a counsellor or do not have specialist training in responding to family violence, be honest and open about that.