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A violence-free Victoria.

It all starts with respect.

Pride, Respect, Equality

On this page

About this campaign

We all deserve to be safe and supported in our families, relationships, and communities. However, outdated ideas about gender and sexuality can make LGBTIQ+ people feel like there is something wrong with them, and justify or excuse behaviour that devalues or disrespects them.

In particular, rigid gender norms, heteronormativity and cisnormativity have been recognised as driving experiences of family violence for LGBTIQ+ people. Many LGBTIQ+ people don’t feel comfortable or safe being themselves at home, in their community, or workplaces.  

The Pride, Respect, Equality campaign highlights the important role that families can play in supporting and celebrating LGBTIQ+ loved ones. By promoting pride and positive relationships and shifting outdated ideas about gender and sexuality, parents, siblings and extended family can reduce the likelihood of family violence and make a world of difference to their LGBTIQ+ loved ones.

Wondering how you can best support LGBTIQ+ family members? Keep reading!

What does family violence look like for LGBTIQ people?

Family violence experienced by LGBTIQ+ people is driven by some of the same factors as violence against women, including rigid ideas about sex, gender and sexuality. But the forms that family violence can take and drivers can be very specific to a person’s sexuality or gender identity.

Some research has found that up to six in ten LGBTIQ+ people have experienced family violence, with many also saying this was targeted at them because they are LGBTIQ+. Family violence can be:

  • verbal
  • emotional
  • physical
  • sexual
  • psychological, or
  • financial.

Forms of family violence or discrimination specific to LGBTIQ+ people can look like:

  • Using a person’s sexuality or gender identity to assert power and control (also known as homophobia, biphobia, transphobia or discrimination against people with intersex variations).
  • Rejection by family members and a belief that LGBTIQ+ people should deny their true selves to ‘fit in’ with family.
  • Threatening to ‘out’ a partner or family member to family, colleagues or friends.
  • Revealing or threatening to reveal the HIV status of a partner or family member.
  • Hiding or withholding hormones or gender-affirming medication.
  • Purposely misgendering, focusing on a person’s birth-assigned sex or purposely deadnaming a person (deadnaming means using a person’s former name without their consent).
  • Faith or religious-motivated abuse or isolation.

Read more about the drivers of family violence against LGBTIQ+ people in the Pride in Prevention Evidence Guide on Rainbow Health Australia’s website.

What does the data tell us?

Data on family violence experienced by LGBTIQ+ people is limited, and there needs to be more attention and research to understand the issue. However the largest national study to date investigating LGBTQ+ health and wellbeing, published by La Trobe University in 2020 reported that:

  • More than six in ten LGBTQ+ people in Australia were found to have experienced family violence.
  • Parents were the most common perpetrators of violence within families. For 70% of participants, a parent/s was at least one of the perpetrators of violence. 30% also experienced violence from a sibling/s, and 20% from extended family.
  • Verbal abuse was the most common form of violence (41% of respondents), followed closely by LGBTQ-related abuse (40%), emotional abuse (39%), and physical abuse (24%).

Note: The researchers of this report noted that they were not able to recruit a suitable number of people with intersex variations to ensure data is reflective of experiences, which is why the acronym LGBTQ+ is used above.

Like all victim-survivors, LGBTIQ+ people can face barriers to reporting and seeking support, including:

  • Difficulty recognising their experiences as family violence
  • Safety concerns from perpetrators within families and broader communities
  • Friends and family being uncertain about recognising violence or how to offer support, and
  • Reliance on a perpetrator for access to finances or housing.

In addition, there are other barriers that are unique to LGBTIQ+ people, including:

  • Services for victim-survivors have historically and justifiably focused on men’s violence against women. This can lead to LGBTIQ+ people feeling or actually being excluded.
  • LGBTIQ+ communities can be particularly uncomfortable in reporting their experiences to police or other institutions for fear of further stigma and discrimination.
  • Services for LGBTIQ+ perpetrators are extremely limited.

If you are unsure about asking for help, remember everyone has the right to be safe. No person should be subjected to any form of violence, discrimination or abuse. For support, reach out to the team at Rainbow Door.

 

How you can support an LGBTIQ+ loved one

Support will look different for every family, but the basics are clear when it comes to making sure your LGBTIQ+ loved ones feel respected and safe.

  1. Let your family member know that they are safe with you, and that they deserve to always feel safe, respected and loved. It may sound simple but hearing loud and clear that you’re there to support them can make all the difference.
  2. Do your research to learn about what it may mean to your loved one to be LGBTIQ+. It’s important to do your own research, so that your loved one doesn’t have to do all the work for you.
  3. Actively listen and ask questions to find out how your loved one feels and what they need. Try not to make assumptions – they might want direct support, or they might want a bit of space.
  4. Access support services when you need them and encourage your loved one to do so. We’ve put together a great list of resources at the end of this page.

We highly recommend this series of articles from our friends at Minus18 as a great starting point for parents. To access more great resources for siblings, friends and colleagues, visit the Minus18 website.

Look:     What to do if you think your child might be LGBTQIA+
Listen:   What to do when your child comes out
Learn:    How to educate when your child is LGBTQIA+
Love:     How to support and celebrate your LGBTQIA+ child

How you can help prevent discrimination or abuse

You may be showing support, respect, and love for your LGBTIQ+ family member, but that does not mean that everyone else in your family will do the same. Some people feel angry that their child or sibling isn’t ‘normal’ or has ‘changed’ when they are just being who they really are.

It is important to show solidarity and ensure that your loved one does not face discrimination or abuse alone, and to do your best to prevent it when you can. If you witness, experience or are told about abuse or violence, it’s important to reach out to one of the support services listed below as soon as possible and encourage your LGBTIQ+ relative to do so. If someone is in immediate danger, you should always call Triple 000.

One of the most important steps you can take is to be an ally for your LGBTIQ+ family members, and to let them know they are safe, respected and supported in their family and home. You can also consider the ways that discrimination may show up in your workplace or community, and take action to challenge rigid stereotypes or ideas about gender, sex and sexuality when it is safe to do so.

Resources for family members of LGBTIQ+ people

General

Resources for trans, non-binary, and gender diverse people and their families

Resources for people with an intersex variation and their families 

Resources for LGBTIQ+ people transitioning to parenthood  

Where you can go for support

If you are concerned for your immediate safety or that of someone else, please contact the police in your state or territory or call Triple Zero (000) for emergency services.

Services for family members of LGBTIQ+ people

  • Rainbow Door provides free specialist advice to LGBTIQ+ people and their friends and families. Rainbow Door is open 10am – 5pm, everyday and can be accessed via phone call, text or email. Call 1800 729 367, SMS 0480 017 246, email: support@rainbowdoor.org.au or visit the Rainbow Door website.
  • QLife provides support to LGBTIQ+ people and their friends and families. They are available every day from 3pm – midnight on 1800 184 527 or via webchat on their website.
  • Safe Steps is available 24/7 to support people in Victoria who are experiencing or at risk of experiencing family violence or abuse.  Phone 188 015 188, or email: safesteps@safesteps.org.au Visit the Safe Steps website to use the webchat service.
  • WithRespect, a service by Drummond Street/Queerspace, provides support for LGBTIQ+ people of all ages and their families who are experiencing difficulties in their relationships, including with family violence. Queerspace provides free or low-cost counselling to LGBTIQ people across Melbourne with a special focus on mental health and wellbeing, relationships, families, parenting, youth and recovery. The Qspace network provides an LGBTIQ+ family counselling service for regional and rural areas. Call 1800 LGBTIQ from Monday - Friday, 9am to 5pm. You can also find resources, tips and advice on the Queerspace or With Respect websites.

Services for LGBTIQ+ people

  • Rainbow Door provides free specialist advice to LGBTIQ+ people and their friends and families. Rainbow Door is open 10am – 5pm, every day and can be accessed via phone call, text or email. Call 1800 729 367, SMS 0480 017 246, email: support@rainbowdoor.org.au or visit the Rainbow Door website.
  • QLife provides support to LGBTIQ+ people and their friends and families. They are available every day from 3pm – midnight on 1800 184 527 or via webchat on their website.
  • Safe Steps is available 24/7 to support people in Victoria who are experiencing or at risk of experiencing family violence or abuse.  Phone 188 015 188, or email: safesteps@safesteps.org.au Visit the Safe Steps website to use the webchat service.
  • WithRespect, a service by Drummond Street/Queerspace, provides support for LGBTIQ+ people of all ages and their families who are experiencing difficulties in their relationships, including with family violence. Queerspace provides free or low-cost counselling to LGBTIQ people across Melbourne with a special focus on mental health and wellbeing, relationships, families, parenting, youth and recovery. The Qspace network provides an LGBTIQ+ family counselling service for regional and rural areas. Call 1800 LGBTIQ from Monday - Friday, 9am to 5pm. You can also find resources, tips and advice on the Queerspace or With Respect websites
  • Thorne Harbour Health provide counselling and support to LGBTIQ+ community members experiencing family violence. Thorne Harbour Health is open Monday – Thursday 9am – 6pm and Friday 9am – 5pm free call 1800 134 840. Visit the Thorne Harbour Health website.

National Service

  • 1800RESPECT is available 24/7 by phone or webchat with counsellors on deck to support people impacted by family violence, abuse or sexual assault. Visit the 1800Respect website.

Frequently asked questions

Pride, Respect, Equality - Frequently Asked Questions (Word, 296.04 KB)

 

Pride, Respect, Equality: In action