Victoria’s affirmative consent laws have been in place since last year. The laws address outdated, harmful ideas about sex and consent, and they are one part of a bigger effort to see all Victorians safe and respected.
Learning about affirmative consent is an opportunity for all of us to have better conversations about sex and consent (not to mention... to have better sex!). It’s not just for young people, or people who are dating – it's for everyone.
Here’s what you need to know:
What is affirmative consent?
Affirmative consent puts the responsibility on each person to actively seek consent from the other people involved in any kind of sexual act.
Affirmative consent can look like:
- verbally asking and getting a “yes”
- a physical gesture like a nod
- reciprocating a move, like removing clothes.
Consent can be given or withdrawn at any time, and it’s important to keep checking in.
How to ask for consent
Keep it simple and be direct. It might feel strange at first, but affirmative consent can lead to better sex for everyone.
Asking for consent can sound and look like:
- “Can I kiss you?”
- “Would you like to try...?”
- “Can I take my pants off?”
- “I’d like to send you a sexy pic – would that be OK?”
- “You’re a bit quiet. Are you into this? Do you want me to stop?”
- Pausing before moving to new touch to check a partner’s facial and body reactions.
What is not okay?
Victoria’s affirmative consent laws aim to address harmful attitudes towards sex and consent. While it’s never been okay to do the following, these actions are now illegal in Victoria:
- remove or tamper with a condom without consent (“stealthing”)
- send on intimate videos or photos of someone without their consent – including deepfake porn (as well as take these videos or photos in the first place)
- threaten to distribute intimate pictures or videos.
It’s not consent if...
Despite what a person might like to hear, they haven’t received affirmative consent if:
- their partner “agrees” out of force, fear, coercion or harm (or threat of these things)
- their partner doesn’t resist
- their partner feels like they can’t withdraw their consent
- they are abusing their authority, relationship or trust
- their partner cannot consent – including because of:
- age
- being asleep or unconscious
- being affected by alcohol or other drugs
- not understanding or being mistaken about the sexual nature of the act
- being mistaken about the identity of any other person involved.
Some media and a lot of mainstream pornography regularly depict these kinds of non-consensual acts as okay – they are not. That’s why it’s important to think critically about what we’re watching, and not confuse sexual violence as 'normal.’
Remember that consenting to one thing (for example, vaginal sex) is not the same as consenting to all things (for example, anal sex). Continued communication and respect are the most important things.
Consent isn’t transferrable. Just because a person consented to something at a different time, or with a different person, it does not mean their consent automatically applies at other times. Everyone is free to give and withdraw their consent at all times.
Consent in long-term relationships
Consent is not just for new or casual relationships. Even in decades-long relationships, affirmative consent should be part of every sexual interaction. Being in a long-term relationship or marriage is not a license to ignore consent or feeling obligated to “agree” when you don’t want to.
Consent makes sex better
Not only is seeking and receiving affirmative consent the law – it can actually make sex more pleasurable. When we focus on tuning into our partner, it’s easier to communicate what we do and don’t like. Sex should be about mutual pleasure, and actively seeking and receiving consent helps us do that.
More information and resources
Learning about affirmative consent when you’re already sexually active can be confronting, especially if you start to recognise times you haven’t received or freely given your consent. There are many specialist support services providing help, including 1800RESPECT, No to Violence and the Men’s Referral Service.
Consent Can’t Wait is an Australian Government campaign that encourages us all to check our understanding of consent and has useful conversation guides for talking to both adults and kids about consent.
Teach Us Consent is an Australian not-for-profit with the vision of demolishing rape culture in Australia. Its Instagram account shares bite-sized affirmative consent education.
Take it Down is a service to help people who have had nudes or sexually explicit photos of them under the age of 18 shared online.
Body Safety Australia is an organisation delivering consent education to community groups and in schools.